Sunday, February 26, 2012

Chris Brown and Rihanna--"Birthday Cake"

My Twitter timeline was blowing up last week with the release of Rihanna's "Birthday Cake" remix, featuring Chris Brown.  The majority of the people on my TL were highly upset and blasted both RiRi and Breezy.  I'm not quite sure how I feel.  And that makes me come I don't know how I feel?  I wasn't at all upset...or very shocked about it.  Should I be?  I don't only thoughts were about how mediocre the song was compared to all the hype it got.

What I do know is that when two people are in love, it takes a long while for feelings to dissipate.  The circumstances of their initial break up caused it to be a sudden break.  No closure, no growing apart.  Just one day, we're together, and the next day, we're not.  Just because someone hurts you doesn't mean feelings automatically disappear.

I don't think it's right for the public to blast Rihanna for allowing him to come to her birthday party either.  It's her party, she can _____ if she wants to, right?  I've been in an abusive relationship before.  I've struggled with the back and forth and with the break up/try again bullshit.

Lots of people were also upset to the point of boycotting the Grammys because he performed.  Is it really that serious?  I think that's where the devil's advocate in me comes out.  At what point do you give a person another chance?  At what point do you allow someone to live the rest of their life without throwing past transgressions up in their face?  I surely wouldn't want to be reminded of every mistake I've ever made everyday by everyone.  It's not like you ever forget what you do wrong, anyway.  And if people are getting on to Rihanna for being around him, then I guess that means they'll get on to any woman he ever dates in the future: "Girl, why are you with him?  Once a woman beater, always a woman beater!  Don't you know??!!"

It's just that that's not true.  I'm not speaking specifically about Chris Brown because I don't know him, what his mindset is, or anything about his life. I'm talking about the "once a ___, always a ___" old wives tale.  Maybe it's my profession.  I work with what most people think of as society's "undesirables".  The addicts, the criminals, the mentally ill.  I have seen plenty of people who don't change...but I have also seen plenty that completely turn their lives around.  And part of that comes from their support system being able to forgive.  Let's say Johnny is in and out of jail for fifteen years due to crimes that he commits to support his drug problem.  Finally, Johnny goes to treatment and does well and now he is a proud and active member of Narcotics Anonymous.  Johnny is much happier than he ever was in life.  Let's say that Johnny's wife Jill didn't receive any type of help or support during this time...she doesn't know how to deal with the new Johnny.  She's used to cleaning up the messes, covering for him, bailing him out, etc.  She's neurotic and resentful.  Whenever they have the smallest disagreement, she hits below the belt and throws up something he did ten years ago, despite the fact that he's been clean and sober for a few years now.  This just doesn't work.  If Jill is going to make the decision to stay with Johnny after his wretched past, then she has to own that decision and move forward.  Of course, Johnny has to be understanding of the fact of why Jill is so angry...because he was the cause.  However, if Jill just cannot get over what Johnny has done, then she needs to move on.  Jill deserves to heal just like Johnny had the chance to.  She needs her own support group and to realize that she got just as sick as he did, and that she too deserves a better life.  Relationships can't progress to a positive future when one or both parties remain stuck in a negative past.  Okay I'm rambling now...but that kind of reminds me of when CB was on that morning show:  they invited him on the show, right?  If you are going to invite him on to promote his new album, then that's an unspoken "you're okay with me".  And that's when it's unacceptable to bring that stuff back up.  Some questions are fine...adults should be able to remain accountable for their behavior.  But all that news reporter prodding shit...that Jim Rome/Chris Everett shit?  Bad form.

They are both young and I wish them all the best.

By the way, I do not, in any way, condone domestic violence...physical, mental, emotional, sexual, or otherwise.  There's no reason to ever put your hands on a partner.  And there's no good reason to ever threaten your partner.  It's awful, it's scary, and it's disrespectful.   It changes relationship dynamics in such a severe way and, while I don't think it's impossible to work through (provided it doesn't happen again), I think it would be extremely difficult.  Especially on your own and without couple's or individual counseling.

Ok whatever, that's enough of my babbling :)

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